I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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