i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
