from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
