we have officially lost it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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