im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's never too late to be topless.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
