I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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