That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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