my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Randomize
