why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
