i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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