Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
