My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
