is your mom at the bar?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just gargled with NyQuil
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
