But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
