I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
