I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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