If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
