i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
