going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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