today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
