I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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