2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
