a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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