Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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