so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
