so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
