They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
