Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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