Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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