I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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