We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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