what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
