Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
