So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
