She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
