i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
