umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
