I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
