Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
