Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
