i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
