Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
