Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize