i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
