also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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