maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
