i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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