I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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