Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
