i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
