peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
