C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
