I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize