Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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