i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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