Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Even my vagina gasped.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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