I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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