i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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