y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
