I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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