I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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