i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
