Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
