Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My vagina is very pro this idea
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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