Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
