Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
