I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
