I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
