You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
