She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
